communication breakdown

Mystified

Here are ten things, roughly off the top of my head, that I just don't get...

• ...Really spicy food: Maybe I'm a wimp, but I just don't buy into the "it tastes better" philosophy. As far as I'm concerned, from my few experiences with hot food, you taste less, because you're more preoccupied with the nuclear burning sensation coming from your mouth. Not to mention the pain afterwards that encircles your lips. I'll take something just-barely spicy, so that you get the flavor of it, but not the pain. But I think lots of people, including the state of Louisiana and the entire country of Thailand, would disagree with me.
• ...Baseball: What a boring sport - if you can even call it that. Half of the time they're just standing around, and it takes forever for anything to happen. It's a sport centered around the accumulation of meaningless statistics. To make it worse, they play 160+ times a year, driving everyone but its most devoted fans into an annual bout of delirious insanity. Just give me football, please.
• ...Hollywood: Talk about ruining a good thing. A few years ago, Hollywood looked like they had their act together, raking in the cash while their counterparts in the music industry were struggling due to poor decision-making and horrible treatment of their customers. Now, Hollywood's not looking much better, currently in the midst of a yearlong slump. And it's not like anyone's surprised... look at the crap coming out of the box office these days. A Bad News Bears remake? Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo? The Dukes of Hazzard? Every release is either a bad movie, a remake of a bad movie, a horrible sequel to a bad movie, or a film adaptation of a book or idea that was bad in the first place. Hollywood needs a spark of genius in a bad way.
• ...The Doors: Am I the only one who just doesn't get these guys? They seem to have a huge following, but I can't get into their music. It sounds like a bunch of moody vocals over top of some weird organ music. I'll pass, thanks.
• ...People oblivious to their surroundings: Happens all the time. Drivers causing accidents and unnecessary traffic because they're on the cellphone or in a daze. People who cut in lines. Or like this morning, when a couple next to me in church sat there, holding their extremely loud and fussy baby, for about 20 minutes before taking her outside. At least 100 people were distracted and annoyed by their negligence. Who knows what spiritual progress might have been stunted by this couple's disrespect for those around them?
• ...Reality TV: Now I've been known to catch a few shows in this genre, like The Amazing Race, an occasional Real World, and Joe Schmoe, which hardly counts since it was a parody of Reality TV. But I was flipping through the channels today and decided I'd watch two minutes of Big Brother 6 just to see what it was all about. My goodness. I don't really know what actually went on, but I know that for the first minute, there were about 6 people standing in a see-through mini-house, with a rotating table covered in colored boxes, all standing there, while the women were thrusting their chests out suggestively, and then all of a sudden a shirtless guy walks in front of the camera. Nobody said anything the whole time. What was going on? As if that wasn't bad enough, the next minute involved most of the housemates prepping in the bathroom, while each person took their turn peeking over the shower door to stare at the naked gay black guy. Who watches this crap?!?!?
• ...AOL: A horrible product that never works right, and horrible customer service whose motto seems to be "Screw over the customer and then prevent them from leaving when they're ready to quit". So tell me, why are these guys the #1 internet service provider in the country?
• ...Walkie-talkie Phones: So let me get this straight... rather than having a normal phone conversation, providing some modicum of privacy, you'd rather talk into a speaker for the whole world to hear, and have to press a button each time you want to speak, and not be able to speak at the same time as the other person? Not to mention that you're inconveniencing everyone around you by forcing them to listen to your conversation? And this is a desirable feature? Nextel must have one hell of a marketing department to have convinced so many people of that lie.
• ...The ACLU: Somewhere along the line, they lost sight of what they are supposed to be fighting for (American Civil Liberties), and instead started an all-out crusade to eliminate religion from the public view. When exactly did "separation of church and state" get reinterpreted to mean "any demonstration of religion is forbidden"? There is a huge difference between having a Nativity scene on public property, and forcing every household to put up a Nativity scene in their living room, or else get dragged out in front of a firing squad and shot 20 times. These ACLU people are about as misguided and insane as the PETA crazies.
• ...Terrorism: I think that one's pretty self-explanatory.