communication breakdown

Book Review: A Clockwork Orange (1968)

[ 8 / 10 ] Anthony Burgess' masterpiece is a difficult yet powerful read, a stunning look at a frightening future which, in turn, poses strong and controversial questions about present philosophies of thought. The novel's protagonist, known only as Alex, breaks the mold of the classic hero-narrator style. His cunning wit is surpassed only by his ruthlessness. This story about the exploits of Alex and his gang has haunted readers for nearly 40 years, and it remains as fresh as ever due to its unique style and message, which is as relevant today as the day it was written...

Despite only being 15, Alex is the leader of his clan, whose nightly misadventures include theft, assault, and rape. He exhibits a harrowing sense of indifference towards his victims, never experiencing guilt or remorse; rather, he finds humor in situations that cause others pain. They do not commit these crimes for reward or revenge, but simply for the enjoyment they receive from inflicting harm.

However, Alex's dictatorial treatment of his buddies leads them to betrayal on the very same night that one of their stunts goes awry and ends in murder. Alex is sent to prison and spends two years among some of the most vile people on earth. When he is offered a "shortcut" to parole, he jumps at the opportunity, not realizing that this new plan is a radical form of rehabilitation touted by the government. Alex's life is irreparably changed as he willingly submits himself to "treatment" and is eventually released back into the real world.

The first thing you might notice about this book is the language. Alex and his gang speak a brutal type of slang known as "nasdat", and is primarily a bastardization of the Russian dialect. This slang mercilessly permeates the entire book, making early chapters nearly impossible to fully understand. However, this intrusion is absolutely vital to the success and power of the book. Not only is Alex's slang speech a prime example of his rejection of our world, but it provides a window into his tortured psyche. Despite my early frustrations with the language, the miraculous thing is that, once I reached near the halfway point of the book, I was able to read nasdat seamlessly without any trouble in comprehension. It is one of the many things which make this book so unique.

Another of those things is the nature of our storyteller. Most narrators are inherently trustworthy and stable, even heroic in many situations. Alex, however, is the epitome of anti-hero - if anything, he is the primary villain. However, complicating things is the fact that, at the midway point of the book, a shift occurs and somehow we begin to empathize with Alex. And as he completes rehabilitation and re-enters the world, you can only help but wonder: Was it worth it? Was Alex a victim of the system himself? Startlingly, his past crimes are slowly forgotten and the weight of his current situation is magnified. And yet, despite all the hardship, he ultimately finds a way to best the system and come out unscathed. So is he hero, victim, or villain? The choice is yours to decide.

I have trouble rating this book on its own merits, since I have seen Kubrick's masterful film adaptation many times before reading this novel. Clearly the ideas belong to Burgess, but Kubrick was practically flawless in translating the concept to screen. While I'm on the subject, I must say that the adapation is one of the most faithful book-to-movie conversions I've ever seen. Any artistic changes made by Kubrick, with two notable exceptions, were mostly minor and harmless. Thus I consider the book and movie to be about on par with one another in quality - and as such, the book gets high marks.

Two things are missing from the movie which I figured I might comment on for those searching for differences. First, the meaning of the title is much more fleshed out in the novel. Second, and of ultimate importance, is the fact that the book's last chapter, omitted from the original American release, was also left out of the movie. This chapter is critical, and it is a travesty that it was not incorporated into the film. The book would not be as great as it is without this final conclusion to the story.

Ultimately, I would say that I slightly prefer the movie, despite the omission of the last chapter, simply because Kubrick did such a tremendous job in bringing the words to life on the screen. This is perhaps the only movie that I've ever seen which I would consider to be better than the book. But I say all this more as an endorsement of Kubrick than as a criticism of Burgess' novel. It is a forceful, controversial story that is sure to be thought-provoking and, for the careful reader, pretty hilarious. It will likely leave you pondering the questions it poses well after you finish, which in my opinion is one of the hallmarks of any great story.

Mystified

Here are ten things, roughly off the top of my head, that I just don't get...

• ...Really spicy food: Maybe I'm a wimp, but I just don't buy into the "it tastes better" philosophy. As far as I'm concerned, from my few experiences with hot food, you taste less, because you're more preoccupied with the nuclear burning sensation coming from your mouth. Not to mention the pain afterwards that encircles your lips. I'll take something just-barely spicy, so that you get the flavor of it, but not the pain. But I think lots of people, including the state of Louisiana and the entire country of Thailand, would disagree with me.
• ...Baseball: What a boring sport - if you can even call it that. Half of the time they're just standing around, and it takes forever for anything to happen. It's a sport centered around the accumulation of meaningless statistics. To make it worse, they play 160+ times a year, driving everyone but its most devoted fans into an annual bout of delirious insanity. Just give me football, please.
• ...Hollywood: Talk about ruining a good thing. A few years ago, Hollywood looked like they had their act together, raking in the cash while their counterparts in the music industry were struggling due to poor decision-making and horrible treatment of their customers. Now, Hollywood's not looking much better, currently in the midst of a yearlong slump. And it's not like anyone's surprised... look at the crap coming out of the box office these days. A Bad News Bears remake? Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo? The Dukes of Hazzard? Every release is either a bad movie, a remake of a bad movie, a horrible sequel to a bad movie, or a film adaptation of a book or idea that was bad in the first place. Hollywood needs a spark of genius in a bad way.
• ...The Doors: Am I the only one who just doesn't get these guys? They seem to have a huge following, but I can't get into their music. It sounds like a bunch of moody vocals over top of some weird organ music. I'll pass, thanks.
• ...People oblivious to their surroundings: Happens all the time. Drivers causing accidents and unnecessary traffic because they're on the cellphone or in a daze. People who cut in lines. Or like this morning, when a couple next to me in church sat there, holding their extremely loud and fussy baby, for about 20 minutes before taking her outside. At least 100 people were distracted and annoyed by their negligence. Who knows what spiritual progress might have been stunted by this couple's disrespect for those around them?
• ...Reality TV: Now I've been known to catch a few shows in this genre, like The Amazing Race, an occasional Real World, and Joe Schmoe, which hardly counts since it was a parody of Reality TV. But I was flipping through the channels today and decided I'd watch two minutes of Big Brother 6 just to see what it was all about. My goodness. I don't really know what actually went on, but I know that for the first minute, there were about 6 people standing in a see-through mini-house, with a rotating table covered in colored boxes, all standing there, while the women were thrusting their chests out suggestively, and then all of a sudden a shirtless guy walks in front of the camera. Nobody said anything the whole time. What was going on? As if that wasn't bad enough, the next minute involved most of the housemates prepping in the bathroom, while each person took their turn peeking over the shower door to stare at the naked gay black guy. Who watches this crap?!?!?
• ...AOL: A horrible product that never works right, and horrible customer service whose motto seems to be "Screw over the customer and then prevent them from leaving when they're ready to quit". So tell me, why are these guys the #1 internet service provider in the country?
• ...Walkie-talkie Phones: So let me get this straight... rather than having a normal phone conversation, providing some modicum of privacy, you'd rather talk into a speaker for the whole world to hear, and have to press a button each time you want to speak, and not be able to speak at the same time as the other person? Not to mention that you're inconveniencing everyone around you by forcing them to listen to your conversation? And this is a desirable feature? Nextel must have one hell of a marketing department to have convinced so many people of that lie.
• ...The ACLU: Somewhere along the line, they lost sight of what they are supposed to be fighting for (American Civil Liberties), and instead started an all-out crusade to eliminate religion from the public view. When exactly did "separation of church and state" get reinterpreted to mean "any demonstration of religion is forbidden"? There is a huge difference between having a Nativity scene on public property, and forcing every household to put up a Nativity scene in their living room, or else get dragged out in front of a firing squad and shot 20 times. These ACLU people are about as misguided and insane as the PETA crazies.
• ...Terrorism: I think that one's pretty self-explanatory.

Top 10 Concerts I Wish I Had Attended

Concerts... something that I love to go to, although I don't do it very often. Musically speaking, I tend to enjoy studio releases of songs rather than their live counterparts, because they are more polished and eliminate a lot of the irregularities and mistakes that you get with a live performance. But, every once in awhile, there is something to be said for standing shoulder-to-shoulder with strangers, in a packed venue, face-to-face with a great artist, watching them do their thing as they proceed to endanger the safety of your eardrums. Oh, and did I mention the lovely haze of marijuana?

I've been to a few good shows in my day, but I think it's more interesting to speculate about shows that I didn't go to. Here are the select few that top my all-time regret list. As always, I'd love to hear some of your own entries, as well as any comments about my own list...

But first, let me begin with a clarification. This is not merely a list of artists I wish I had seen in concert, but a specific timeframe that I would have wanted to see them - in most cases, it represents the band's prime, the height of their artistic genius. They may still be together or not, still touring or not - the point is to convey a specific point in time that would have been significantly awesome to see these artists in concert.

On to the music...

10. Radiohead (circa 1997)

Radiohead is undoubtedly one of my favorite bands of the 90's, and certainly one of the most creative and influential bands of the last decade (surpassed in influence only perhaps by U2 or Nirvana). One the most remarkable traits of Radiohead is their ability to redefine their style - something they have done with each album they have released. Just think about how hard that is to do. Six studio releases, and each one sounds completely different, and yet each one is spectacular (some might argue that Kid A and Amnesiac were throwaways, but I think they succeeded at what they were trying to do).

Radiohead's most acclaimed album is 1997's OK Computer, widely considered one of the greatest (if not the greatest) albums of the 90's. I, however, seem to be one of the few people who will argue that their best album is The Bends, released in 1995 - I think it is undoubtedly the best album of that decade. To see them tour in the late-90's, incorporating material from both of those unbelievable albums, as well as some slightly-less-amazing-but-still-great material from their first release Pablo Honey, would be quite a show. Not to mention it wouldn't have cost like $80 a ticket back then, which is probably what they are going for nowadays.

Note: As I started writing this section, a Radiohead song popped into the mp3 player. I'm telling you, these guys are amazing...

9. Orbital (c. 1992)

One of electronica's most influential groups would certainly make for a wonderful show. They are the only techno artist on this list, but rightfully so, as their shows have often been considered legendary. A combination of stellar music and specatacular laser light displays, their show would certainly have been an amazing audio-visual experience - perhaps more than anyone else on this list.

By 1992, Orbital had released their self-titled album, as well as their follow-up Orbital 2, known informally as The Brown Album, a disc which sent shockwaves through the world of techno and really opened up new avenues of publicity and possibility for the young and fledgling music genre. To see some of their all-time classics such as Chime, Halcyon+On+On, and Satan live would be simply surreal.

8. Ben Folds Five (c. 1997)

Though still touring as a solo act, with some good material under his belt, I feel Ben Folds' best days were during his time as part of this 3-man band during the 90's. Featuring a fascinating mix of upbeat piano and thoughtful lyrics, combined with the spirit of rock and roll, Ben Folds Five was undoubtedly one of the most entertaining and sincere acts of last decade.

Ben Folds Five's best album is probably their original self-titled LP from 1995, but their 1997 follow-up Whatever and Ever Amen was wildly popular, with singles like Brick and Battle Of Who Could Care Less. I imagine one of his shows would be like watching Billy Joel, but a little younger, a little angrier, and hopped up on speed. Sign me up.

7. The Beatles (c. 1967)

I'm not even the biggest Beatles fan, but how could I leave them off a list like this? Just to say I was there, it would be totally worth it. Unlike some of the other artists on this list, I don't need to recap the Beatles' career for you - anything that could be said about them already has been.

In my personal opinion, 1967 was the pinnacle of the Beatles' career. They had already released some of their greatest material, including Rubber Soul and Revolver, and had reached popularity and acclaim of superhuman proportions with the release of Sgt. Pepper. Yet this is before their truly weird stuff, much of which can be found on Magical Mystery Tour and The White Album. Names like Lennon and McCartney, and even Harrison to some extent, are absolute gods of music history. To see them in person would be an experience never worth giving up.

6. Eric Clapton (c. 1970)

One of the all-time great guitarists would certainly be a hell of a show. 1970 found him making the transition from Cream to Derek and the Dominoes, two of the great rock bands of the era. Think of the classics that would have come out of that concert - Layla, White Room, Bell Bottom Blues, After Midnight, Let It Rain, Crossroads, Sunshine Of Your Love, Strange Brew - I could go on forever. At the time he was just becoming a superstar, and was in the midst of what seemed like a decade of creative genius. I love great guitarwork, and it doesn't get much better than Clapton.

5. The Who (c. 1971)

Simply one of the greatest rock bands of all time, following their release of Who's Next, which in my opinion, is the greatest album ever made. When I listen to this album now, it blows me away - I simply cannot imagine hearing it live. The Who are one of the few bands in history where every single member of the band is stellar - including one of the best drummers ever in Keith Moon. It would be simply surreal to hear with my own ears the fusion of Townshend's rhythm guitar, Entwhistle's hard bass lines, and Moon's furious drums, with Roger Daltrey's piercing vocals over top of them all.

But most importantly, The Who were notorious for being absolutely insane on stage. Thrashing around and wailing on every instrument, it was clear that they loved rock and roll. And undoubtedly they helped their audiences to love it too.

4. Lynyrd Skynyrd (c. 1974)

I can't imagine having more fun than being at a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert. The driving force of Southern Rock, they were nothing but a pure, unadulterated rock band. Much harder and louder than their contemporaries The Allman Brothers, they have become one of my favorite groups.

1974 saw the release of their second album, Second Helping, and by this point they had created the bulk of their classic material. It was only three years later that a plane crash took the life of lead singer Ronnie Van Zant (the heart and soul of the band), along with several other key members. They were never the same again, despite the fact that remaining members still tour today. At their best, they were down-to-earth, good-ol-boy rockers with great talent. Their penchant for rocking out on stage, often for extended periods of time, would have made for quite a great show. I mean, can you imagine seeing a 15-minute rendition of Freebird, live? It gives me goosebumps just thinking about it.

3. Soundgarden (c. 1994)

I seem to be one of the few people to believe that Soundgarden was unquestionably the best act to come out of the 90's era of grunge-rock. Nirvana might have opened all the doors and broken down the walls, but Soundgarden was the most talented group of the bunch. A simple look at some of their influences - Black Sabbath, Led Zeppelin, and AC/DC, among others - reveal that they were a much harder rock band than their contemporaries. Despite having a distinct 90's feel, they were a 70's metal band trapped in modern disguises.

Led by singer Chris Cornell, who possesses one of the great music voices of all-time, they were best known for Cornell belting out passionate, angst-ridden lyrics over top of thunderous guitar rifts and drum beats. This is the kind of music I live for. I especially regret missing this concert, because they were still touring when I was growing up in Jacksonville, and I have never been able to see them live. However, I have at least seen Cornell's new band Audioslave here in Atlanta, which stands as the best concert I've ever been to. I guess that's close enough.

2. Jimi Hendrix (c. 1969)

Who do you think of when you picture a guitarist? If you've ever heard any of his work, then Hendrix springs immediately to mind. This guy was insane - he did things with a guitar that nobody then or now has been able to duplicate. I don't know if it was the drugs, or some kind of freakish genetic talent, but the guy had unbelievable game with a guitar.

His reign at the top of rock and roll was extremely brief, cut short by drugs in 1970. But by '69 he had released his two most popular albums, Are You Experienced? and Electric Ladyland, containing the bulk of his timeless work. But more significantly, 1969 was Woodstock - one of the defining moments of music history, capped off by the ridiculously amazing performance of The Star-Spangled Banner by Hendrix. Just about everyone, from then to now, has heard that performance and been amazed. True greatness doesn't come often, and when it does, it's absolutely worth trying to catch a glimpse.

1. Led Zeppelin (c. 1971)

No real surprise here. Pound for pound, probably the most talented band across-the-board (with their only competition maybe being The Who). The reasons to want to see Zeppelin are endless. Page's godlike guitar work, only surpassed in history by Hendrix. Plant's mystical and sexy vocals. Bonham and Jones' heavily underrated drum/bass combo.

By 1971, Zeppelin had released 4 studio albums, (named Led Zeppelin I-IV: the only unimaginative thing they ever did) including the bulk of their superhuman work. Most of the classics were in place - Dazed and Confused, Whole Lotta Love, Ramble On, Black Dog, and of course, Stairway to Heaven. They were one of the few bands who really transcended rock-and-roll and music in general, who seemed to be one with nature and the heavens, having found a way to create music which most people did not even understand, let alone attempt to duplicate. I've seen some of their concert footage on the Led Zeppelin DVD, and it is mind-blowing. Watching Page wrestle unbelievable music out of his guitar, with Bonzo drumming out of his mind (literally, as he was probably drugged at the time), with Plant singing with a seemingly unflinching voice - it would be an absolutely surreal experience. I envy each and every person who ever had the chance to see such a unbelievable show in person.

A Portrait Of The Blogger As A Young Man

Well, another birthday come and gone. The big 2-5. The last good one. Car insurance drops, and I can now rent a car without getting extorted. These are the meager joys of a man in his mid-twenties. Isn't it amazing how I'm all of the sudden less of an insurance risk than I was a day ago? Anyways, all in all it was a fantastic birthday, especially compared to last year when I was isolated away from all my friends. Friday night I went out with Adam (it was his birthday) and had dinner with a bunch of folks. This afternoon a few of us headed back to Adam's place for a cookout and a little tennis. Then, after helping my friend EW do a little moving, we headed up to Matt and Tiffanie's place for an excellent home-cooked meal, then just sat around and chilled for awhile until the night was upon us. Good friends, good food, good times - that's what a birthday should be about...

I never do this kind of thing, but I figured, what better opportunity would there be to share some lesser-known facts about yours truly? I've included a list below of 25 interesting points about your humble narrator. Most of my closer friends will know a lot of these already, but I guarantee there are a couple things buried in there that will be new to everybody. This is me at my most utterly self-indulgent; don't expect to see me in such rare form again anytime soon.

Dreams and Ambitions

1. First job ambition: Police detective. I think my mom planted some subliminal messages in my brain here, because her father was a detective. I used to love Perry Mason detective shows, and to this day, I still love a good mystery novel, especially any of the Poirot stories from Agatha Christie.

2. Second job ambition: Architect. This one came out of nowhere.

3. First dream college: Duke. Again, who knows where this came from. But I wanted to go to Duke in a bad way. I used to have a picture of Duke taped up in my room. However, this dream faded fast once I determined what I really wanted to do, and realized that Duke wasn't the right place for me. Not that I could have afforded it anyway.

4. Eventual dream college: Carnegie Mellon. I wanted to go to the best, so I set my sights on it. Got accepted, too. Just couldn't afford it. That pissed me off for the longest time. But in hindsight, thank God it didn't work out. I can't imagine having as great of a time as I did at Tech.

5. Secret life dream: Play on Centre Court at Wimbledon as a professional tennis player. Sadly, my ultimate life dream is impossible. But I've harbored this dream since I was a kid. I'm not greedy or anything - I wouldn't want to win the whole tournament - just one game. Pretty realistic, honestly. Is this too much to ask? I would trade everything right now if I could go back and realize this dream.

Weird Facts

6. I didn't get my first driver's license until I was 17. I don't remember why, but I was extremely nervous about driving and just procrastinated for a long time. Didn't get to drive to school until close to graduation. This definitely goes down as the biggest regret of my youth. In hindsight, it affected so many other things. Had I had a license and a car, I would have been able to attend more social events, get involved more, date more girls, and in general have more fun.

7. I've never consumed any alcohol, tobacco or drugs (minor exception in #11 below). Some people think it's because I'm a prude, and once upon a time that was part of it, but not anymore. I grew up learning that alcohol was completely bad, but I don't believe that anymore; in moderation, it can be a good thing. But not for me. There are two reasons for this: first, all of the above destroyed my family by ruining my father's life. He is to blame, but these substances were the catalysts. Second, I have a highly addictive personality (inherited from my father) and I simply cannot trust myself to drink or consume in moderation. Hence, I avoid them like the plague.

8. I have a famous uncle. More like a step-uncle, but whatever. His name is Mickey Rourke, and he's been an actor for almost 30 years. Best known for his roles in "Diner", and some risque flicks from the 80s. Most recently was in "Sin City". My mother grew up with him for most of his life. Unfortunately I don't think most of the family ever hears from him... not that we are very close with my mother's family, anyways. But it's good party trivia nonetheless...

9. My high school was rated as the best in the nation by Newsweek the year after I graduated. Attending Stanton was one of the best decisions I've made; it prepared me for college so well that Georgia Tech was rarely any harder than high school. And I count my blessings that such a good school was public and free: we could never have afforded private education.

10. I was hit by a car as a very young child. Me and my mom were walking across a busy street in Miami Beach. Actually this is a very fuzzy memory; I was either hit, or almost hit, but it's more dramatic to claim the former. I remember my Mom freaking out, and that's about it.

11. I also consumed drugs accidentally when I was a young child. My father had some in the house back in his wilder days, without my mom's knowledge. Apparently I got ahold of it. Crazy stuff. I just learned this myself a couple of months ago.

OCD

Yeah, so I'm mildly OCD about certain things. Or maybe seriously OCD. You be the judge:

12. Bathroom: I am VERY particular about my bathroom. Everything has its right place. And I don't just mean "the toothbrush stays on top of the counter". It has an exact position on the countertop, and it never moves from there. Same goes for the 25 other things on my countertop. This is important because it helps me follow my morning routine, which is so strict it might as well be military. I do things exactly the same every morning. Not just the order in which I do things, but the way I do them. The steps I take to wash in the shower. The specific way I use a towel to dry myself off. The exact order in which I brush my teeth, my hair, shave, etc. It is an exact science. And it has to be, or I'd go crazy - especially because I'm so out of sorts in the morning that, without a routine, I'd be totally lost.

13. Stairs: I have no idea when or where this started, but I count stairs whenever I go up or down them. But I don't just count - somehow I am obsessed with my final count being the number 11. I will skip steps, or slow down, to ensure that I take 11 steps. Small sets of steps are excluded. For very long staircases, I'll count to 11 and start over again in the middle. I've never written about this before: now that I'm doing so, I'm realizing how crazy this must sound to everyone but me.

14. Lists: I am a list-maniac. It is tied to my sense of organization. When I was a kid, I collected baseball cards and comics, and I was obsessed with knowing exactly what I had in inventory, and how much everything was worth. At least once a week, I would update my list, including the price fluctation of the value of each item, and would keep track of how much the whole thing was worth. Nowadays, this weirdness manifests itself in my finances. I keep meticulous accounts of my expenditures, recording every single receipt, and ensuring my accounts match up exactly. It has nothing to do with being tight with money - it just satiates my need to make lists. Plus, I keep voluminous accounts of my movies - I keep an up-to-date list of exactly what I own and what I want to own. I also have a list of every movie I've ever seen, and what rating I gave it.

Trouble

Despite my mild-mannered demeanor, I have a pretty vicious temper. Nowadays it only comes out in competitive venues like sports, but in the past, it's been a problem. Here are a couple cases of trouble I've gotten in:

15. I actually got paddled by the principal in elementary. No joke. Why, you ask? I bit my best friend on the arm. Why, you ask? Well, because he was making monkey noises at me, of course. I'm not joking. Could I make that up?

16. I think the only "C" I ever got on a report card was in Conduct back in like 3rd grade. Back in the good-old-days when you got a grade for behavior. I got in serious trouble for that one...

17. My freshman year of high school, I got four referrals (like demerits) for bad behavior. Some of them were complete bunk (one was for chewing gum on the bus), but one was for fighting, which is bad news at Stanton, even though it was just me and my buddy horsing around. One referral in a year is bad: four is serious trouble. I was seriously worried it would prevent me from getting into college.

18. I was taken to court by a man for throwing rocks at his car. It wasn't really intentional - we were tossing rocks across the street waiting for the bus, and as he drove by, I tried to throw one just as he passed by, but I actually hit his car. He stopped, took down my name and number, and took me to court. I had to do community service and write an essay. Worst part was that it was an old beat-up El Camino anyways. I probably did him a service by chipping off some paint.

History

19. Baseball: Most of you know that I hate baseball. You might not know that I used to be a serious player. Up through middle school, I was a great first basemen, such that I was always on the citywide travelling all-star team. But then, one day, they changed the schedule so that games were played on Wednesday night. That conflicted with church, so we dropped baseball. Slowly, over the course of several years, I stopped watching altogether, and now, I can't stand the sport.

20. Martial Arts: It's pretty common knowledge that I study martial arts. I'm not sure how many people know why I started though. One day at church, when I was 15, me and some friends were on the playground and I decided to pick on this younger kid that was always a punk to everyone. Bad move on my part, because his big, older, redneck brother was there, and when he saw me picking on his brother, he came over and knocked me flat to the ground. My mother was scared for my well-being and decided I needed to learn to defend myself. It was her idea that I start martial arts. I hated the idea. She asked me to take one class, and that if I didn't like it, I didn't ever have to go again. Well, the rest is history...

Firsts

21. Car: 1994 Mercury Tracer ("The Trace"). An icon. RIP.

22. Job: I worked at AccuStaff (now Modis), a temp staffing company. They get thousands of resumes sent to them daily. I was the guy who scanned the resumes into their system and checked that all of the vital information was read properly off the resume. Despite how it sounds, it was a lot of fun, especially for a guy with slight OCD tendencies.

23. Love: Her name was Lindsey, and she went to my church. She was beautiful. All the guys at the church had a crush on her. We dated for a little while, inasmuch as 12-year-olds can date. Nothing more than love letters, meager gifts, and holding hands. But that was big-time back then. I wonder where she is now?

24. Concert: Van's Warped Tour, Jacksonville, 1998. Saw the Mighty Mighty Bosstones, The Aquabats, and Save Ferris. It was an outdoor concert with several stages, similar to the current Warped Tour, but with a MUCH better lineup than nowadays. Really opened my eyes to music.

25. Fight: Never. Surprised? Hopefully I can keep it that way...

Book Review: The Maltese Falcon (1929)

[ 7 / 10 ] Dashiell Hammett's classic novel is the quintessential detective story, a thrilling tale about murder, greed and deception. Written in 1929, it was a trailblazing novel whose influences on the mystery/crime genre are unavoidable. Popular first as a book, then later as an adapted film, it is a story which is hard not to enjoy. The Maltese Falcon focuses on the life of Sam Spade, a rogue detective with good looks, foolish bravado, and a recklessly adventurous spirit. When he picks up the trail of the Falcon, a mysterious relic of immeasurable value, he stumbles onto a trail bound to end in mayhem...

The story begins harmlessly enough: Spade, sitting in his office calmly rolling a cigarette (which he does throughout the novel, something which is about as iconically cool as you can get), is paid a visit by a Miss Wonderly, who wants to have a man followed. However, as with most things in The Maltese Falcon, things are not quite as they seem. It is not long before people start dying, at which point Spade is hopelessly stuck in the middle of a volatile situation. What begins as a simple detective crime turns into something much more, once the falcon is thrown into the mix.

The novel rests on the (quite broad) shoulders of Sam Spade, and this is precisely why it succeeds. Spade is one of the all-time great characters in modern literature, and it is little wonder that his name and style became famous. Take just about any detective from the countless films noir of the 1940s, and it's a safe bet that the character borrows in some way from Sam Spade (The Maltese Falcon was, in fact, one of the defining entries of the film noir genre). On one hand, he is the ultimate playboy, exhibiting complete control over every woman in the book. From his secretary, to his partner's wife, to his clients, if they are not sleeping with him, they are at least at his beck and call. He has a marvelous ability to emerge victorious from any debate or argument, simply by swooping in, gently caressing his target, and giving her a soft kiss on the neck. Combine this with his endless penchant for rolling and smoking cigarettes, and you have in Sam Spade the epitome of cool.

If that weren't enough, Spade has quite a way with words. He is forceful and sharp, with biting sarcasm and a caustic wit. And he is true to this throughout the novel, irregardless of the gravity of his situation. Whether he's joking with his secretary, or staring down the barrell of a gun, he always finds a way to keep people off-guard with a sarcastic jab. He is the source of all comedic relief in the novel, which is frequent enough to be noticeable, yet not enough to be overwhelming.

The story itself is simple, yet captivating. The Maltese Falcon, a statue lost ages ago, only to resurface recently, is up for grabs - and everyone wants to get their hands on it. It is the link between almost every character in the novel. As you might expect, an object so valuable will drive people to do just about anything - as such, the falcon is surrounded by acts of jealousy, betrayal, greed, and murder. Spade stumbles into the middle of the situation, but once he figures out what he's dealing with, he is determined to get a piece of the action. To do so, he must wade through the lies and the mystery to get to the truth. There were several turns that completely took me by surprise, which is something that doesn't happen often.

Given all the nice things I've said about The Maltese Falcon, you might be wondering why I only gave it a moderately-favorable rating. I've thought a lot about this, because to be honest, it left a lukewarm feeling in my mouth, yet I couldn't immediately determine why. For me, I think the problem was that, despite the interesting story and great protagonist, the rest of the supporting cast was fairly worthless. None of them are given sufficient detail or depth, and as such, they all feel like bit players in the overall scheme. One great character does not a good novel make. The "villains", in particular, were very shallow and not very menacing - the danger to Spade seems minimal, as Hammett does not take care to instill Spade's adversaries with great power or authority.

The Maltese Falcon is an essential read, particularly for those with an interest in the mystery/crime/detective genre (such as myself). It succeeds in making a very simple story into a highly entertaining read. However, what it creates in excitement, it lacks in depth. Compared to other great entries in this genre (particularly those by Agatha Christie), most of the characters seem one-dimensional and mediocre in their illustration. Despite this, I believe that you will be hard-pressed to find the reading of this novel to be anything but time well spent.