communication breakdown

Mission Accomplished

This past weekend I made the trek up to Minneapolis for my III Degree Black Belt Test. This test was scheduled before I knew I would be leaving for Atlanta, so I did not want to be disrespectful and back out on my commitment. So I ventured back to the Twin Cities one more time, hoping to mark the end of one leg of my journey in Taekwon-Do, and the beginning of another...

I left Atlanta on Thursday night, fully aware of the fact that I've been able to do minimal training in the last three months, because there are no USTF Taekwon-Do schools in or around Atlanta (at least, not to my knowledge - if anyone reading this knows otherwise, please let me know!) The test was not until Saturday afternoon, but I wanted the extra time to get my body prepared for the occasion, as well as to practice some pre-arranged portions of the test which needed to be memorized and practiced with a partner.

There were only two students testing. Besides myself, Ms. Hunt, the state director for Minnesota and instructor of the school I attended while I was in Minneapolis, was testing for II Dan. We were very fortunate to have Mr. Van Hecke (VI Dan) and Mr. McDaniel (V Dan) travel from Wisconsin to our school in Minneapolis to conduct our test. Not only did this allow us to test in a familiar environment, but it allowed all of Ms. Hunt's students the opportunity to see a black belt test - something that most students do not see until they are a black belt themselves. Plus, they were gracious enough to conduct a patterns seminar after the test, which provided everyone (myself included) with a wealth of new information about how to improve our patterns.

So, back to the trip. I arrived Thursday evening and went to pick up the rental car. I had been monitoring the weather reports for several days prior to the trip, and every report said it was going to snow every day I was there. Naturally, I was afraid that driving conditions would be treacherous and, since I hadn't driven in those conditions since the year before, I figured it was better to be safe than sorry and so I paid through the nose to get the extra insurance on the rental car. Once you tack this onto the Under-25 fee (I'll come back to this later), it cost me about $4000 a day to rent the car. And just to complete the screwjob, the weather was perfect all weekend - 20s, without a drop of inclement weather. I guess it was better than the alternative of having horrible weather and careening off a cliff with my well-insured-but-now-crushed automobile, but I still felt like I was kinda cheated. That's insurance for you.

OK, minor diversion here. What's up with the under-25 fee that rental car agencies charge you? For that matter, what's up with the huge insurance break at 25? Don't get me wrong, I don't mind them charging only an arm for insurance, rather than an arm, leg and firstborn child, but my point is that they should lower the rates in the first place, rather than waiting until you're after 25. What kind of secret research do all these people have that tells them that people magically mature at 25? Is this ridiculous to anyone else? How many people do you know who aren't responsible at 24-and-a-half, but magically snap to their senses and act right on their 25th birthday? This has got to be one of the most arbitrary age limits I can imagine. Why not make it 18? At least that represents the "minor vs. adult" barrier. Moving from 24 to 25 just means you're getting older, more likely to be disillusioned with life, more likely to hate your job, more likely to have screaming kids in the back seat, etc. Sounds less insurable to me, but that's just my opinion...

OK, back to the trip again. So I head on over to Ms. Hunt's house, where I'm staying for the weekend with her and her family. We get some dinner that evening and mostly just relax before we hit things hard in the morning. About 10 AM the next day we start preparing. This included memorizing choreographed self-defense routines, prearranged sparring combinations, as well as running through our patterns and looking for any last-minute corrections. All in all, we trained about 6 hours. We were completely exhausted when we stopped around 5 PM. In fact, we had trained so hard that we were extremely sore that evening, and even the next day before the test. In retrospect we probably should have taken it easy and preserved our strength, but we had a lot to get done and I'm glad we did it.

That night I had plans of a completely separate sort. Some of the guys I used to work with at Medtronic scheduled their quarterly poker game on Friday night, hoping I would be able to come. I was happy that it worked out that way, because I really wanted to see some of my old friends and co-workers again. Also, it was a good way to chill out and relax the night before my test. A good crowd of 13 showed, and we played until around midnight. I lost about $30 but it was well worth it to see everyone again, get updates on their lives, and share some of my own stories. I really wanted to stop by Medtronic earlier in the day and see everyone, but training was my first priority and there just wasn't time for it. Hopefully the next time I'm in Minnesota (whenever that may be), I'll be able to stop by and say hello.

One more thing I should add here. As a result of the strenuous pre-testing training, coupled with the fact that I hadn't done any training in awhile, my back started hurting again for the first time in months. This practically paralyzed me with frustration - I could not believe that I had tranied so hard for this day, and traveled all the way up here, just for my back to hamper me on the day of the test and prevent me from participating. I was very worried that night, and even the next morning when I woke up in great pain, that it was all over. But something miraculous happened. I went and took a hot shower, put some Icy Hot all over my lower back, and within an hour or so the pain was gone. This sort of treatment had never worked before when my back was hurting. It could just be that adrenaline took over and I couldn't feel it any more, but I think that it had just tightened up from prolonged inactivity and just needed something to loosen it up. Thank God that it did not become a problem, because I honestly expected it was going to be my downfall.

Now, on to the good stuff. The test began at 1 PM. This was the first test I've ever had where I was "prepped" before the test about what in particular I would be asked to do, and in what order. I think this was because, the further you progress in Taekwon-Do, the less important the actual test is. As Mr. Van Hecke said this weekend, it is really about the journey, and the actual day of testing is just a reflection and celebration of that journey. I must say, it was nice to have an idea of what would be coming up throughout the day so that I could mentally prepare for it.

The progression of the test was as follows:

• Warm-ups: Basic Patterns and Kicks
• Black Belt Patterns #1 and #2
• Advanced Kicking
• Self-Defense Routines
• Black Belt Pattern #3
• Step-Sparring
• Free-Sparring
• Breaking

Mixed in between all of the above were various color-belt patterns selected by the testing panel. All in all, it was a very fast-paced and physically demanding test. I don't think I've ever been as exhausted as I was when the test was over. When you perform physically in front of a panel of superiors and an audience, you strive to do your absolute best, so your punches are just a little quicker, your blocks a little harder, your kicks a little stronger than they ever have been before. Mostly this is just adrenaline, but for me it was also the embodiment of my perfectionist character coming out and asserting itself. To me, there are few things worse in life than performing at a level lower than I am capable of. Luckily I can say with certainty that I gave it my all and held nothing back.

As far as the individual elements of the test are concerned, I can say that I was most satisfied with the patterns and self-defense portions. I consider myself to be very strong in the area of patterns anyways, but in my own mind I demonstrated them very capably, even my last pattern (Juche), which is widely considered one of the hardest in all of Taekwon-Do. While it was not sheer perfection, I think I performed well and the praise I received from the testing board confirmed that.

The self-defense was my crowning achievement, partly because it went so well, and partly because I had not worked on it at all earlier than two weeks ago. I was very intimidated by the idea of putting together a 2-minute self-defense routine against an armed opponent. The last time I tested and had to do this kind of thing, it was against an unarmed opponent and I had the help of my instructor. This time I put the whole thing together on my own, so the success or failure of it resided completely with me. Plus, given the fact that I have had noone in Atlanta to train with, I had to envision the entire routine in my head and plan out each step in my mind's eye. Though I did have the chance to run through each portion of the routine with my roommate, and eliminate any obvious errors in the execution, mostly I had to rely on the fact that I understood the fundamentals and could create a realistic demonstration. All of this, coupled with the fact that Ms. Hunt was able to memorize her part of it perfectly with only a day's notice, culminated in a very nice demonstration. It drew good applause from the crowd, and I do believe that most people thought that I was actually hurting her at one point or another during the routine. I consider this the highest praise I could have received, because above all, a presentation on self-defense should be realistic. Once I have it available, I will post a video of this on the site.

Now, a word about the breaking portion of the test. Each of us had three breaks to perform - a hand break, a power foot break, and a technique foot break. The power foot break, as the name implies, suggests a large number of boards to be broken with a very basic kick. The technique break, on the contrary, suggests a few number of boards to be broken with much more difficult kicks, usually while in the air. For each break, you have several choices, depending on your rank. Here were my choices:

• Hand: 5 boards with a downward knifehand strike
• Power: 5 boards with a side kick
• Technique: 1 board, 2 targets with a flying combination kick (left leg front kick, right leg turning kick).

Just some clarification on the technique break: What that means is that there are actually two boards, but they are held separately, not together. With one jump, I had to break one of the boards with my left leg front kick, and break the other board with a right leg turning kick, all before returning to the ground.

When I went up to perform my hand break, I had the opportunity to be the first to use the board holder that Ms. Hunt and her father had recently made. I loaded the 5 boards into the holder, prepared myself for the break, and absolutely laid into those boards. Unfortunately, they did not break. What resulted was some of the strongest pain I've ever felt. The common myth is that breaking boards is very painful, and that's why people are afraid of it. Truthfully, it is not a painful process - especially when you break them. Sometimes, when you don't break them, it is painful, depending on the attack you are using, because the force from your attack travels back into the hand or foot, rather than through the boards. This was the case with my hand break. Not only did all that power come surging back through my hand, but I cut my hand on the boards in the process. Refusing to be a quitter, I summoned my strength to attempt the break a second time, despite the pain. Here is where we discovered the first problem: the board holder was not sturdy enough, and apparently was bowing whenever it was struck, making it almost impossible to break the boards. To stop this, someone came and stood on the board holder to give it support and hopefully lessen the bowing. I prepared myself again and struck it a second time, just as hard as the first.

Once again it did not break. At this point, all I could do was double-over and wince. It was the worst pain I've ever felt. One thing is for sure: I didn't recoil my strike out of fear - two times I hit those boards as hard as I possibly could, and I was paying the price for that in terms of a wrecked hand. It was physically impossible to make a third attempt, I couldn't even hold my fingers together. The testing board recognized this and told me to stop. The boards were removed from the holder and it was at this point that we determined the second problem with the break, this one even more devastating: the grains of the boards were misaligned. For those not too familiar with wood, this can make it almost impossible to break. I was furious at myself when I figured this out, because ultimately it was my responsibility to ensure that the boards were positioned properly. Often I can get so focused on one thing that I completely forget about everything around it, and this is exactly what happened here. Unfortunately my mistake nearly led to me breaking my hand. After the second attempt, involuntary tears started down my face - while I wasn't crying per se, my body was definitely reacting to the pain and decided to express that. Luckily, though the pain was intense, the actual damage was minimal - at least that's what I curently think. It appears that, besides the several cuts from the sides of the boards, the whole outer side of my hand was bruised pretty strongly. But most of the mobility was restored without pain after a couple of hours, so I think it's safe to say that it is not broken.

Thankfully Mr. McDaniel brought his own board holder with him, so we were also able to eliminate the other lingering problem for the rest of the breaks. They were going to make Ms. Hunt do the rest of her breaks all in a row, in order to give me time to recover from the strike, but I refused to let that happen. There's no reason that she should be inconvenienced because I was hurt. Plus, any pain in my hand would have no affect on my ability to break with my feet, so I went ahead on schedule to do my power break. When I lined up for the 5-board break, I was so furious at those boards that I completely let loose with a combination of power, anger, and blind fury. Needless to say they crumpled under the force and didn't stand a chance. Based on how easily they broke, I'm pretty sure I could have broken 7 or 8 boards with the same kick.

That left only the technique break to do, which was the one I was most worried about all long, because I felt it to be technically the most difficult. I don't know if my anger was still fueling me, or if I just did a very nice set of kicks, but I broke them both easily on the first attempt. With the exception of the hand break, the breaking section went much better than I expected.

This concluded the test, and after some time to deliberate, the testing panel decided that we had performed acceptably and were awarded our respective promotions. It was such a joy and relief to receive my III Dan Black Belt because it has been so many years in the making, since my last test in 1997 when I was practically still a child. It is not something I take lightly, because it is not something that many people ever achieve. I know that from here on out I will be reaching points where fewer and fewer people have been, and to reach these points will require my most dedicated training and devotion to the art. I look forward to continuing my training, even if I have to do it on my own, and I also look forward to the day when I can have my own school, even if only part-time. But these are all things for the future.

As I alluded to earlier, the seminar after the test was extremely informative and really gave me a glimpse at the way I would like to be able to teach someday. Mr. Van Hecke is extremely gifted, amazingly knowledgeable and has a teaching method that I envy. I learned a lot in that two-hour span, but most importantly, I think it clarified the vision I have of what type of instructor I'd like to become. Let's hope that with enough studying and application I can reach a point where I can impart such knowledge to other seeking minds.

That night, and all of the next day, practically every muscle in my body was sore. But that's a good sign, because it shows that I worked hard, and I believe that it made the achievement that much more worthwhile because of the level of exertion that it demanded.

On Sunday I headed over to the home of one of my Medtronic co-workers who I didn't get a chance to see at the poker tourney. We chatted for a minute, after which I borrowed his internet connection to check on my departing flight information. It was at that point that I realized what an idiot I was. Let me explain. I think that most people would set their rental car return time to be previous to their actual flight departure time. That way, they know they have to have the car back at a certain time, and then they would already be at the airport, and on-time for their flight. However, I decided to set my rental car return time after my departure time. Thinking back, my rationale was that, since I know I'm going to get to the airport on time, I might as well extend the rental car return time by a few hours, just to make sure I don't get hit with a late fee on the car. What happened instead, was that I knew my rental-car return time, and I assumed my flight left awhile after that, so I did not even think to look at the actual departure time. In retrospect, that's really dumb thinking. I mean - what's worse, a late fee on the rental car, or the fee for missing your flight and catching another one? Plus, I think if I was a few minutes late with the car, or even an hour late, they wouldn't make a big fuss. Anyways, I mention all this because, when I checked the information on my friend's computer, I realized my flight was leaving in 45 minutes. Naturally I freaked out and headed out the door. I felt really bad, because he had waited on me to get some lunch, and was looking forward to the chance to catch up, and I had to run out on him after 5 minutes. But there wasn't really an alternative - thank God he lives 10 minutes from the airport!

I zoomed down there, got the rental car back as soon as possible, and ran all the way to ticketing. I was fully expecting them to tell me that they couldn't check my bag, because I was arriving less than 30 minutes before my flight. But, surprise! Thanks to Atlanta being completely crippled by a little ice, my flight had been delayed so I had time to check my bag. Actually it worked out perfectly - the flight was only delayed 20 minutes, long enough to allow me to check my bag, but not long enough that I would be stuck at the airport for hours. Plus, had I been flying out the day before, my flight would have been canceled because the ice storm wreaked havoc on the airport Saturday. But it was all good - I jumped on the flight not long after that, and slept soundly all the way back to ATL.

All in all, it was a wonderful weekend - between the testing, the opportunity to see all the students and instructors I used to train with, and the chance to get together with some old Medtronic buddies, I really had a fantastic time. Even the weather cooperated - who would have thought! So now it's back to normal life. No trips planned in the future, no tests to prepare for - back to the grindstone of daily life. Hopefully some (positive) speedbump will introduce itself to shake things up a bit...

(For those interested: The first wave of testing pictures is available here. More pictures will be forthcoming, as well as videos once they are sent to me.)

Vegas: The Narrative - Day Four

Here is Part 4/4 of my write-up of our trip to Vegas, recreated from a combination of (hazy) memories and notes I took each evening.

Day Four: December 19, 2004

With no big plans for the morning, most of the guys decided to sleep in. A couple of us, however, figured that it was high time we used the "Buy One Get One Free Breakfast Buffet" that we got from the hotel when we checked in. So me, Adam and Dave headed downstairs to get our fill. At first we were worried that they wouldn't take the coupon, because it was Sunday and the "Breakfast Buffet" becomes "Champagne Brunch", which is much more expensive. But they took it alright - which was awesome for us, because we got a much nicer breakfast out of the deal. The buffet was amazing, definitely worth the (discounted) price we paid.

By the time we got back, the guys were up and ready to head out. The only real plan for the day was to be sure and visit the Stratosphere, which is a hotel/casino off the strip that is basically shaped like a huge needle (similar to the Space Needle in Seattle). We knew there were a couple of rides there, plus you could get some sweet shots from the observatory at night. Adam was getting together with his grandparents during the day, so we figured we would tool around until he got back, then head to the Stratosphere.

Dave, Daniel and I decided it was about time to play some more poker, so we headed over to a place where we knew we could get tables with low minimums/blinds - The Excalibur. In case I haven't mentioned it yet, Excalibur completely sucks. It's one of the "family-friendly" hotel/casinos, but unless you're there with your kids, there is absolutely no redeeming value to it. The atmosphere sucks, the dealers suck, etc. But we went there anyways because we knew we could play for the cheapest amount. Me and Daniel wanted a no limit table, while Dave ended up playing pot limit. The other guys must have decided that they hadn't lost enough yet at the sports book, because they sat down over there and placed some more bets on some NFL action. Like the rest of Excalibur, the sports book completely sucks, especially compared with Mandalay. Moral of the story: don't go to Excalibur. Oh well, moving on...

While waiting for my table, I looked around to get a feel for the atmosphere. From what I could tell, it was a very inexperienced crowd, which I felt played into my hand. It was going to be my first time on a no limit table. When my seat was ready I cashed in my $100 - I knew there was going to be a problem when I got a small stack of $5 chips, rather than a large stack of $1 chips like everywhere else. When I got to the table, I knew I was in trouble - I looked around and saw that I was essentially the small stack already. Several people had 4 or 5 times what I did, and at least one guy was rolling with over $2000. These people were just tossing money left and right. I knew that I was in the wrong environment with my $100 and it wouldn't last long with these kind of stacks. I played one hand, got the worst hand in poker, and folded. Right after that, Adam called, saying he was back from meeting his grandparents and was wondering where to meet up with us. I used his phonecall as an excuse to get up from the table - I said it was a "family emergency". Had I played, there is a small chance I could have won big money, but more than likely I would have been muscled out very quickly. Dave ended up playing on a limit table for several hours before running dry, and Daniel, in what was becoming his usual routine, was up early yet ended up losing it all.

The bets made at the sports book were off and on. Several guys bet on the Colts, who covered the spread in dramatic fashion (imagine that). Steele lost his bet on the Packers, which I thought was hilarious. The Jacksonville Jaguars, a very warm-weather team, go up to Green Bay to play the home team Packers in below-zero temperatures. Was there ever a more sure bet than to take the Packers covering the spread? Oh no - not only didn't they cover, they lost the game straight-up. You gotta love sports betting.

Adam showed and we eventually caught a cab down to the Stratosphere. The results were mixed. The observatory was definitely cool and we got some good pictures. The rides were of mixed quality. Each cost $5, but only one was really good. It was basically a souped-up version of the Freefall at Six Flags. You get strapped into a chair, and then get shot straight up several stories into the air, and then dropped to the bottom. When it gets to the bottom, it bounces back up into the air (though not as high as the first time), and drops again. It does this a third time, and you're chewing on your stomach by the time it was over. Four of us (me, Adam, Tyler and Steele) did that ride, and it was amazing. There was another ride which basically straps you into a car on a track and gives you the feeling that it's going to drop you off the side of the hotel, but it looks a lot scarier than it really is, and was a letdown. Then there was the coaster Stephen and Dave did, which basically cruised around the top of the hotel a couple times, bringing new meaning to the word lame. Oh well, it was a mostly fun experience.

When we got back, the indefatigable Dave headed for the Poker Room at the Monte Carlo again, while the rest of us poked around the casino. John had a spare $25 chip and decided he was going to play it on the roulette table. He bet black and won, then won again. 5 minutes, $50 profit. Why isn't it always that easy?

Late at night we grabbed some dinner at the restaurant inside New York New York. The only really memorable part of this dinner was Adam being completely juvenile - without going into too many details, let me just say that he had a sudden preoccupation with drawing human genitalia in crayon on anything he could find - napkins, plates, etc. He definitely left a aurprise for the cleaning crew - I hope they enjoyed it.

After dinner we headed back to the Monte Carlo again to roam the casino. For awhile now I had decided that getting up from that no limit table without losing the money was a good omen, and that I was going to win big by putting that $100 somewhere else. What I couldn't decide was where to spend it: on another Hold'em table, or on the Craps table. After awhile I decided that craps was where I had the most fun, and I wanted to try it again. Unfortunately, the Monte Carlo had $10 minimums and $100 wasn't going to get me very far. So after watching the guys play some video poker for awhile, I decided to head back to Excalibur (ugh) where I knew I could get $5 minimums. Stephen and John came along, while everyone else headed up to bed.

I started playing at the Exaclibur while Stephen and John watched for awhile. Eventually they went off to roam. I was having decent luck - they came back after probably about an hour, and I was about even. For the first time I actually rolled decently myself, which was an absolute thrill. It's a blast being the "hot shooter" on the table, making yourself and everyone else a bunch of money. Anyways, they decided they were going to head back since they didn't know when I was going to leave. Once I crapped out they started to leave - I considered going back with them (since I was still at even money), but for some reason decided to press on. Thank God I did. The guy who rolled after me was the hottest shooter I've ever seen. This guy probably rolled for about an hour. He made us so much money. We all had huge bets on the table - and since he was winning me money, I felt comfortable taking a chance on some of the higher-paying bets. Once he got on a roll everyone was having fun. Mnoey was flying everywhere, we were throwing in bets for the dealer, everything kept paying off. It was hands-down the most fun I had all weekend. Once he finally crapped out, I counted up the chips and realized I had made a $125 profit. Take it to the bank baby. After four days of losing everything I played, I finally won big in the very last hour. Thrilling.

I headed back to the hotel to find most people were asleep. Dave and Stephen were up packing, so we started talking. We started thinking about the hotel concierge, and all the crazy requests they probably get, and how they're probably used to anything by now. We decided to come up with something ridiculous and see how they handled it. After a few minutes of tossing around ideas, we decided we would ask them if they knew where we could hire a clown stripper. Surely this would raise an eyebrow or two, right? Somehow I got stuck making the call. I took a few minutes to calm myself, because I wanted to sound totally serious on the phone. The conversation went something like this:

Concierge: "Front Desk."
Me: "Yeah, um... hi, this is probably going to sound a little strange, but..."
Concierge (interrupting in a very casual tone): "That's okay."
Me: "Ok, well... me and my buddies were kinda hoping to hire a clown stripper. Do you know anyplace where we might be able to hook that sort of thing up?"
Concierge: "Well, sir, we don't really provide that kind of..."
Me: "Oh no, no, I know you don't, maybe you misunderstood me. We were just wondering if you knew any places who might do that sort of thing."
Concierge: "Well, not really, but if you check in the phone book for 'stripper' you'll find all kinds of services, I'm sure you'll be able to find it there. Would you like me to have a look?"
Me (barely able to contain self anymore): "Nah, that's OK, thanks..."

Needless to say, she wasn't affected by it at all - in fact, I'm starting to doubt it was the first time she'd ever heard such a request. But we definitely proved that you can ask a Vegas hotel concierge for just about anything without fear of them thinking you are crazy.

After we had our good laugh, we crashed, putting an end to four awesome days in Las Vegas...

My Earnings / Losses
Craps	+125
Day 4 Total	+125
Trip Total	-325

Conclusion

As you can see above, it seems that I was just born to lose in Vegas, giving money away in pretty much every game I touched, with the exception of that last craps game. I wasn't the only one who lost a considerable amount though - I believe the Poker Addict Twins, Dave and Daniel, both lost more than I. Frankly, I'm pretty satisfied that I kept my losses around $300. Considering that I had 4 straight days of pretty consistent gambling, to lose less than $100 a day is great - and it's also well under the maximum amount I had set for myself. A few hundred bucks was a small price to pay for a fantastic weekend in Las Vegas...

The End

Helping Hand

Have you donated yet to help those suffering from the aftermath of the tsunami/earthquake crisis in Asia?

If not... you should. You might not think you're financially able, but I'm guessing that you're better off than the survivors and their families are. Plus, it doesn't take a whole lot to make a big difference, especially in such a poverty-stricken area of the world where money goes a long way.

Here is a list of sites who can accept your donations. At the very least, keep these people in your prayers...

Vegas: The Narrative - Day Three

Here is Part 3/4 of my write-up of our trip to Vegas, recreated from a combination of (hazy) memories and notes I took each evening.

Day Three: December 18, 2004

Day Three was all about sports. The long-awaited Tech basketball game was later in the evening, but in the meantime, we figured it was about time to do some sports betting. The day before we scoped out all the sports books and found the one at Mandalay Bay to be the best by far (only MGM's came close). So after a healthy amount of sleeping in we headed over to Mandalay to get an "early" start on the sporting festivities. It was a good day to hang out in the book because there was a little bit of everything going on. There were two football games, several college basketball games, some horse races, and even a little NBA if you're into that sort of thing. The sports book is cool because it just feels like a guy's paradise. When you walk in, you can't take your eyes off the wall of information - one absolutely huge screen in the center, bookended by two semi-huge screens on the sides, each of which was surrounded by eight partially-huge screens. With few exceptions, there was a different sporting event on each one. In between all the screens were huge computerized panels where they list every conceivable game you can bet on, and what all the odds are. The numbers update in real-time whenever the lines change. The seating area is full of large, comfortable leather chairs. So you relax in a big chair, watch all the sports you can handle, while waitresses bring you drinks. It doesn't get much better than that on this Earth. I should mention here that Dave was propositioned by a hooker at some point during the day - unfortunately he rebuffed her advances. That would have made for a great story though...

Anyways, back to the sports book: some of us placed some early bets on the games - most of us had money on Duke beating the spread against Oklahoma. Me and John also had a bet on the Skins-49ers game - he took the Skins, while I played the under. It's amazing what putting $10 on a game will do for the excitement level. We were all into each and every play of those games. Duke scared us for much of the day, not only falling well behind the spread, but actually being beat straight-up by Oklahoma for most of the game. They pulled it off in the last few seconds. It was thrilling to watch, especially with a win in the end. As far as the football game goes, they scored a ton of points early so by halftime I had nearly lost the under bet already. However, there was little scoring in the second-half so I still almost won - I didn't lose the bet until the very last score of the game, with about 4 minutes on the clock. The Skins won and so John went 2-0 on the early games. Everyone was pretty happy going into the evening.

Now, during the early games, we spent a whole lot of time discussing the Tech game and what kind of money we wanted to bet on it. Eventually, after hours of discussion, we decided to place a parlay bet, which is where you bet on multiple outcomes at once - if they all happen you win big, but if you miss any, you lose. We bet on 3 things: that Tech would beat the spread, that the score would be under the O/U, and that Oklahoma State would beat the spread in their game. We were most worried about the OSU game, because they were playing UNLV who was at home. We grouped our money and had several hundred into the parlay by the time we were done. If the parlay paid off, it would be worth several thousand dollars. Since we were most confident about the Tech bets, some of us put side bets on the Tech game, just to cover our losses if the parlay didn't work out.

After placing the bets we headed over to the game. We got there in time to see the second half of the OSU game. It was even more intense than the Duke game, because we were there in person, the crowd was behind the home team, and we were rooting for the visiting bullies because we had so much money invested. It seemed like we were rooting harder than anybody in the stadium, especially the visiting OSU fans. Like Duke, OSU toyed with their opponent and hung right around the spread for the last 10 minutes of the game. They had us on pins and needles. In the very last seconds, they pulled it off. We went absolutely nuts. Step 1 was complete - now Tech just needed to come through, and we were rich (sort of).

Well, if you watch or read ESPN you know what happened. Tech played horribly, Gonzaga played great, which means we got stomped. It was horrible. Plus the game was high-scoring so we missed the O/U, too. Not only did we lose the parlay, but our side bets went down the drain, too. The home crowd decided to root for Gonzaga (neutral home crowds always root for the underdog), so we were in a hostile arena, with the fans sorely outnumbered, and our team playing poorly. Needless to say, we all left pretty depressed. For my part, I don't mind losing the money - like the rest of the week, I only bet what I could afford to lose. But when my teams lose, there is no consolation. It ruins my entire day - the whole week, for that matter. It really put a damper on the trip. Had we won, not only would we be excited, but we would have won that parlay and would have went crazy. Ironically enough, we were worried about OSU coming through, and were very confident in Tech - and we should have been thinking the opposite. I guess that's why one of The Sports Guy's general rules of gambling is to never bet on a team with which you have an emotional attachment.

We left the stadium feeling pretty down, and walked all the way back to the hotel, which was a pretty considerable distance. I guess we were gluttons for punishment. Once we got back to the hotel we just crashed. Some of the guys decided they wanted to go downstairs and walk around the casino (and play some video poker, I'm sure). Daniel couldn't decide if he wanted to go down or not - you could see he was struggling with himself to determine if he should risk gambling any more money that night. As he walked out, he was saying "I'm not going to play Hold'em. I'm not going to play Hold'em... Guys, don't let me play Hold'em." One of the funniest things I heard all week. Three days in Vegas and Sims was turning into a poker addict already. Luckily, his willpower prevailed and he didn't play anymore that night.

Soon enough they came back upstairs and we put an end to a depressing day...

My Earnings / Losses
Sports Book	-70
Video Poker	0 (even)
Day 3 Total	-70
Trip Total (thus far)	-450

Vegas: The Narrative - Day Two

Here is Part 2/4 of my write-up of our trip to Vegas, recreated from a combination of (hazy) memories and notes I took each evening...

Day Two: December 17, 2004

Strangely enough, Adam had a job interview in the morning. Although he had already accepted another offer, he figured it didn't hurt to conduct the interview (since he was going to be in town anyways) and see what happens. So he was up and gone before any of us left the room.

Before heading to bed the previous night, we noticed that our hotel offered free craps lessons every morning, and we all thought it would be a good idea to get the instruction we needed so we could play the tables later if we felt like it. So we all got up pretty early (10:30 AM in Vegas is pretty early) and headed down to the craps tables. The lesson was pretty fun and very informative - I definitely put together the missing pieces that I couldn't figure out from watching myself. The coolest thing about the lesson was that, after it was over, they had a "beginner's table" with discounted minimums ($2 instead of $5). Several of us figured that this was too good of an opportunity to pass up, so we all jumped in for about $60. If I was a superstitious person, however, I would have avoided the table because there is bound to be bad luck when you're playing with all newcomers. The karma was against us. Needless to say, after several rounds of crapping out with little winnings, we were all pretty much broke. It only took about a half hour, and I think the speed with which we lost scared most of the guys off from playing anymore craps for the rest of the trip. It was kind of like me and Pai-Gow, I guess: when you lose a large sum of money in a very short amount of time, it leaves a bad taste in your mouth.

After the lesson and our donations to the casino, we decided to walk the strip and play the part of tourists - something we hadn't done at all the day before. About halfway through Adam got back from his interview and met up with us. We walked all the way down the strip from our hotel, hitting Caesar's Palace, Bellagio, Treasure Island, Mirage, and The Venetian. Caesar's Palace was amazing - not only was it ridiculously cool, but there were several extravagant showpieces within the hotel - greek sculpture replicas, a large trojan horse that marked the entryway to FAO Schwartz, and a long marketplace complete with the faux-sky ceiling (which looks amazing in person, by the way). One of the coolest things about Caesar's was something we stumbled onto by accident. When we got to the end of the shopping strip, there was a large rotunda with a huge open space in the middle. Just as we arrived, the lights in the enclosure dimmed and things started rising out of the middle of the opening. It was a stage, and on it were several life-size robotic (but pretty realistic) characters. They acted out the story of the sinking of Atlantis, complete with dazzling effects - fire, water, smoke, lights, and booming sound effects. It was something you truly had to see in person. I should have a video clip of part of it in my Vegas gallery soon.

Bellagio was also pretty cool because you could feel the upscale vibe that it had going on. The poker room there was hopping, and we found out that the World Poker Tour was doing an event there at the time. As we were walking away, we saw a crowd of people, armed with cameras, surrounding a man. We figured this had to be a celebrity, and in a way, it was - it was Howard Lederer, a pretty famous professional poker player. You can see him on the World Series of Poker events on ESPN all the time. His sister, Annie Duke, who is also pretty famous, was back in the poker room playing in the event. Unfortunately this was the closest thing to celebrity we saw all week.

The Venetian was also a really cool hotel/casino, particularly because of the river and gondola that they built on the second floor (which also sported the faux-sky ceiling). You can get an actual gondola ride down the river. While we were there, a couple was getting married in one of the gondolas. I guess if you can't afford to go to Venice, you might as well pretend like you can.

After the exhausting survey of the strip, we headed back to the hotel, changed, and went over to Mandalay Bay to hit their buffet. It was quite expensive, and depending on which group member you ask, you'll get a different answer as to whether or not it was worth it. It was definitely huge - there were probably 10 different serving lines where you could select from several types of food. However, you've got to serve some quality stuff to make it worth $25. The most memorable thing about dinner was Stephen making a complete ass out of himself (unintentionally) in front of our server. We were all talking and having a good time, when Stephen decides to blurt out a particularly graphic movie quote. What he didn't realize was that the server had come up right next to him before he said it, and heard every word. She just kind of walked away without saying anything. It was amazing (though Stephen might disagree).

After dinner we headed next door to Luxor for some gambling. We did a little of everything. Some of us went straight for the Hold'em tables, while others went to play Pai-Gow, and a couple others played some Roulette. On $100 I lasted about 4 hours at the Hold'em table, which I think is pretty decent. Eventually I got cleaned out holding pocket queens when another guy had pocket aces. Se la vie. At about midnight, some members of the group decided they wanted to head down to Rio and check out the club there. Others stayed behind at Luxor to do some more gambling. I had a craving to get back on the craps table and try again, so this I did.

The guys went to two clubs at Rio - Bikinis and Club Rio. According to them, Bikinis was pretty awesome and Club Rio was pretty not. The waitresses and bartenders at Bikinis were ridiculously hot and scantily clad, which always makes for a good atmosphere. Club Rio was more expensive to get into and didn't have a very good crowd, so it was a letdown. Of particular note is the fact that Dave got shot down by two different ladies when he asked them to dance, both of which claimed injury as their reason for saying no. That's pretty harsh - but we've all had our bad days.

Back at the Luxor, I put a little over $100 on the craps table and lasted about 2 hours before getting cleaned out. Day Two was by far the day in which I lost the most, but it was also the most fun overall. The Luxor is a great place to gamble - I think we all agreed that it was the best we visited all weekend. The atmosphere was great, dealers were great, we met some interesting characters at the tables, and overall it was just a lot of fun.. I might have lost $200 that night, but I'm not sure I could have enjoyed doing so any more than I did. The other guys fared OK: Daniel went back to the Hold'em table and lost (again), while Matt made some money on the Roulette table. By the end of the week he was our resident roulette expert. I don't ever remember seeing him lose. I always heard it was a sucker game, but those in our group that played seemed to do really well.

After finishing up at Luxor, we headed back to the hotel. Soon enough the guys returned from Rio, and we grabbed what little sleep time we had before the madness started anew in the morning...

My Earnings / Losses
Craps	-50
Hold'em Poker	-100
Craps (again)	-110
Day 2 Total	-260
Trip Total (thus far)	-380

Vegas: The Narrative - Day One

Here is Part 1/4 of my write-up of our trip to Vegas, recreated from a combination of (hazy) memories and notes I took each evening. Obviously it will have a minor slant toward my own perspective, since I'm the one telling the story, but I did my best to incorporate all the major highlights from each day.

Pictures from the trip can be found in my image gallery - there is a link in the box to the left. Enjoy the show...

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Prologue

Date: December 16, 2004
Destination: Las Vegas, NV
Headquarters: Monte Carlo Hotel and Casino

The Players:

• Shaun Dishman (narrator, protagonist and all-around hero)
• Stephen Dixon (self-appointed organizer but usually a slacker)
• Dave Brooks (on a mission to lose as much money as possible)
• John Cochran (video poker addict)
• Tyler Lowe (voted most likely to puke first from drunkenness)
• Adam Parker (redefines "crazy" with each successive trip)
• Matt Steele (about to be married so details will be omitted)
• Daniel Sims (watched too much Hold 'Em poker on TV before coming)

Background:

Several of us had been discussing making a trip out to Las Vegas for a long time now. When we realized that the GT basketball team was going to be playing Gonzaga in Las Vegas just before Christmas, it seemed like too good of an opportunity to pass up. Not only would we get to see our awesome basketball team in action against a good opponent, but the timing was perfect for all of us to take off work and enjoy Vegas for several days. And this we did...

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Day One: December 16, 2004

We were scheduled to arrive in stages. Tyler was to be first, around 11:00 AM, and then three of us (me, Stephen and Dave) would be in about an half-hour later. Daniel trailed us by an hour or so, and then the other three weren't showing up until the late evening.

The trip started off with a bad omen. At about 7:00 AM I am driving down the highway, headed toward the nearest MARTA station where I planned to park the car and take public transportation all the way to the airport. About five minutes before I reach the station, I get a call from Stephen. Apparently there was a chemical spill (???) somewhere downtown that shut down the MARTA line. Thank God Stephen called me when he did, so I could avoid the hassle of getting stuck on the train somewhere - instead I just drove down to the airport (picking up Dave on the way), and paid the highway robbers (a.k.a. airport parking attendants). Stephen was already stuck in the MARTA system amidst the mayhem caused by the spill, but we all got to the airport on time and were on our way.

We get on the plane and settle in for a relaxing flight. Stephen and Dave have the great idea of "setting the tone for the trip" by finishing off a bottle of rum on the plane - and by "bottle" I mean "Nalgene water bottle that Stephen stuffed in his backpack". It was hilarious watching their covert ops, waiting cautiously for the drink cart to pass by, laying suspicious eyes on the flight attendants, and breaking out the bottle as soon as they were out of the line of sight. Not like it wasn't obvious, however - the smell filled up that little cabin. I dozed off for awhile, and when I woke up later, I look over at Stephen to find that he's no longer wearing his sweater and his white T-shirt is heavily coke-stained. Apparently, in his "excited state", he spilled a full cup of coke on himself - so much so that he had to use his sweater to sop up the excess. High comedy. According to the guys, the rum idea sounded great in principle, but later on it hit them hard.

After our plane landed we head over to baggage claim and meet Tyler. While waiting for our luggage, we start talking about all the ridiculous things we wanted to do this weekend. Someone had the crazy idea of taking a limo to the hotel, but nobody took it seriously. Five minutes later, a pretty sketchy guy who looked like he might have had mob ties approached us and asked if we needed "transportation". He must have overheard us and figured he would jump at the opportunity. "How much?", we asked. $45 for a limo to the Monte Carlo. We all looked at one another and couldn't think of a reason not to do it. It probably would have been $15 for a taxi anyways, and how many times can you say you rolled into Vegas in a limo? I was a little worried that he was scamming us, but there was only one way to find out. Turns out that he was a pretty cool guy and everything was on the up-and-up. We heard something interesting from just about every taxi/limo driver we had that weekend - for example, did you know that there's a two week porn convention every year in Vegas, and they rent out two floors of one of the biggest hotels to accommodate everyone who comes? Well, you know now. So there we were, arriving at the Monte Carlo in style. We were in Vegas.

Once we got to the hotel, everyone was pretty hungry, so we hit a restaurant in the building and waited for Sims, who joined us near the end of the meal. Then we headed up to the room to drop off our stuff. Stephen and Dave collapsed from all the rum, and we were all pretty tired anyways (I had 3 hours of sleep the night before), so we pretty much chilled in the hotel room, making plans, scoping out attractions, etc. I think there might have even been a short nap, but it's all a blur now.

Anyways, around 5:00 or so, we decided we needed to get going. We knew we didn't want to wait until the other guys showed up (11:00 PM) to start doing stuff. We also knew we had to be back at the Strip at that time to meet up with them and let them in the hotel room. I had suggested to the guys that we might want to start our gambling somewhere downtown, because I had heard it's a more novice-friendly environment and the table minimums are usually lower. If we were going to head downtown, get in some good gambling time, and be back by 11, we needed to get going. We grabbed a taxi and headed straight for the Golden Nugget.

The Nugget was awesome. Maybe this is just because it was the first casino we gambled at, so I had nothing to compare it to, but it was a lot of fun (even when I was losing). We headed straight for the Blackjack tables. Surprisingly, even though most of us were winning after we left the table, nobody enjoyed playing Blackjack. In fact, I think the hour that we played that night was the only Blackjack that any of us played all weekend. The game went very fast, but as I had suspected, our dealer was extremely helpful and fun to be around. I don't have a lot of Blackjack experience so there were a couple of points where I wavered, and she was quick to jump in and offer suggestions. After our stint at the table, Stephen, Dave and Daniel ran off to play some Pai-Gow poker. This was the sacred game that Stephen had researched before he came and was convinced that it was the game to play. Me and Tyler decided it was about time to get serious and we headed over to the Poker Room.

Playing Hold' Em Poker at the Golden Nugget in Vegas was kinda surreal at first - it felt like a scene from the movies. The table we sat down at was full of 60-somethings who clearly spent night and day in these casinos. While they weren't professionals, they knew what they were doing. One of my less-spectacular moments came almost right away. I get dealt a pair of 5's. After all the community cards are dealt, I end up having four 5's. I know I can't lose so I make my move and go all-in. Only problem was that we weren't sitting at a no-limit table - the max bet was $8. Everyone got a good laugh at that one (myself included). At least I learned right off the bat to determine the table limits before you sit down. I still won big on that pot, and was up big for a short time. Tyler was doing pretty well himself. But over time, both of our stacks eventually dwindled down. I believe Tyler left the table when he was cleaned out, and I left with only a small stack. No worries - we got several hours of good entertainment on that table. We headed over to the Pai-Gow table to see what all the fuss was about.

Pai-Gow Poker is an interesting game because, although you are playing against the house, the dealer is very involved in the game and is very willing to offer suggestions on what he/she thinks you should do with your hand. Also, since there are no cards dealt after the initial round, there is no use in hiding cards, so players often interact and show one another what they have. Plus the betting rules are very simple - you bet an amount and either lose, push (break even), or win (double your money). Seems great. When we came to the table, it seemed like everyone was up significantly, so it felt like the right time to join the game. I put $40 on the table and jumped in. Fastest $40 I ever spent. I caught the coldest streak of cards I could imagine - in just a couple hands I was down to a short stack again. While the other guys seemed to be holding on or even winning money, I kept losing. I put another $40 on the table, expecting that I just needed to ride through the bad hands until things got better. They didn't. Soon enough I was $80 down and pretty pissed off. I didn't mind losing money - that's what I came to do - but the way it happened just frustrated me. I vowed I wouldn't play the game again and stepped away while the others kept on for awhile. It was nearing time to get dinner and head back anyways.

They played a couple more hands while I headed over to the craps table to catch a glimpse of the action. I could just feel that this was the game for me, but I didn't understand it enough to jump in. The game moves very fast, and has a langugage all its own, so it is quite difficult to pick up without instruction. I gathered tidbits here and there, but was still too intimidated to play (plus being down $120 so quickly kinda hurt). The guys came over soon and we got ready for dinner.

There is a great myth about food in Vegas. Everyone thinks it's cheap, and that you get comp'd all the time. This is simply not true. The food is extremely expensive, especially if you eat buffets. And unless you're a high roller, you can forget getting comp'd. We asked and found that they didn't even "turn on the clock" to start measuring your gambling time until you were on $25 minimum tables for at least 4 hours. Yeah right. Anyways, Tyler and Daniel decide they want to test the system and see just how hard it is to get a comp'd meal. Tyler noticed one of the floor supervisors handing out buffet tickets at another table and approached her about it. We stood and watched him and Daniel talk to her for at least five minutes. They came back with two free buffet tickets. That's the good news. The bad news is that they practically had to grovel on their knees and make themselves look as pathetic as possible to get them. But that's OK - five of us essentially ate in the casino restaurant for free on those two tickets, so it was worth the debasement. Unfortunately it was the only time any of us ate for free the entire weekend.

After dinner we got a taxi back to the Strip and met the three latecomers at the hotel. The difference between our first and second gambling endeavors was striking. The five of us lived it up at the Nugget, trying a little bit of everything. We all lost big (Stephen lost the least with $75, and I the most with $125), but we played for a long time and had the true casino experience. When the other three arrived, however, they were all about trying low-stakes games at the Monte Carlo like slot machines and video poker, things which we had completely avoided earlier. Video poker was especially enticing. Adam put in $1, played for about an hour, made $12, and called it a night. The other guys had similar experiences, though they didn't win as much. While they didn't play at any of the tables, they also weren't in the hole like the rest of us. To each his own...

Several hours later we were back in the room, completely exhausted. We crashed at about 3 AM.

My Earnings / Losses
Blackjack	+25
Hold'em Poker	-65
Pai-Gow Poker	-40
Day 1 Total	-120
Trip Total (thus far)	-120